I will admit...a lot has been going on lately. Because of things happening, my psyche has been somewhat out of whack. I don't want to go into much detail right now, but I do hope that I am able to get back on track soon.
It's odd that one can pick up on when you are not your usual self. Case in point...a friend of mine called me Thursday...I didn't answer his call. I did send him a text later. He then calls me on Friday saying, "I am worried about you, Brian. Why am I worried about you?" I was not able to talk to him, but sent him a text again. Saturday morning, we finally talked. I explained myself as much as I could at the moment, but told him I want to talk with him more in depth face-to-face. We will see where my psyche goes after Sunday.
Tonight (Saturday), I went and saw the movie "Knowing" with my friend Steve. This movie looked good from the trailer and previews. After now seeing this movie, I have 3 words for you all if you are planning to see this movie....SAVE YOUR MONEY!!! If you are into sci-fi, you might enjoy it. In fact, I was enjoying the first half of the movie, but the last half hour of the movie disturbed me quite a bit. I will not say why, so that I don't ruin the ending of the movie for anyone that may want to see it. I know that the ending was nothing like I had expected.
This brings me to a question for pondering: What disturbs you? And no, I don't mean the housekeeping crew coming to your hotel room. What do you find to be disturbing in your life? One thing for me that comes to mind is the issues I have with food. I have noticed that over the past few months, I have really been bad with my choices. In fact, the past week has been one of the worst. I know that I need to go back into the mode I was in 6 months ago. I am hoping that after this week, I can get back into the zone and become more focused.
Exploration for this week: How to live life contemplatively. I will post late in the week my findings and thoughts. Until then, just be!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Tribute to my grandmother...
It is amazing how a year goes by. One year ago today at 5:00 AM, I received a phone call from my mother that I knew had been coming. She had called to tell me that my grandmother had passed away. In the days leading up to this occurring (and it literally was days...3 days), I had thought I was prepared to handle her death. I was there with the family on the night she was rushed to the hospital; I spent quite a bit of time at the hospital over the next couple days; I had intentions of staying the night, but with so many family members there, I elected to go back to my apartment; I had hoped I would be able to be there with the family for the final moments.
My grandmother was an amazing woman. She was small in stature, but very mighty and powerful. She lived to be 90 years old. She was the mother to 8 children (6 sons, 2 daughters), and had 25 grandchildren. She was married to my grandfather for 70 years and 6 months, an amazing feat in itself.
I remember a lot about my grandmother. When I was younger, I would stay a week during the summer with my grandparents. One food I remember always having while there were bread tomatoes. Now these were not breaded tomatoes, but chopped tomatoes and white bread cooked together. Another that she made was potato soup, which I have never had one as good. I also remember when she came to stay for a week when my mother was in the hospital. I remember her telling me about the trips she and my grandfather took over to Italy and Germany. I remember how my grandmother and I would rile each other up because she liked the Chicago Cubs and I liked the St. Louis Cardinals. She got me into twiddling my thumbs when I was younger. Her hands were always cold, and I remember how I would put my hands around hers to warm them up.
My grandmother never had a couch or sofa in the house. She had things that would appear to be this, but she had another name for it. She called it a devonent. She and my grandfather had their own devonent, so they could take afternoon naps while watching TV.I have asked many friends if they or their parents/grandparents/other family members have devonents. They replied with a "WTF are you talking about?" look on their face. I have had some friends ask me if I meant a Davenport. I then turned and gave them the same "WTF" look and said no, because I knew what I was talking about.
Over the past year, my mother moved in with my grandfather so they could take care of each other. Every time I go up there, I see the "porch house" my grandfather made for my grandmother so she could sit in her swing year-round; I feel my grandmother's presence in the house even though she is not physically there; and I sit on the devonent. I will always cherish the time I spent with her...and now, her memories as well.
My grandmother was an amazing woman. She was small in stature, but very mighty and powerful. She lived to be 90 years old. She was the mother to 8 children (6 sons, 2 daughters), and had 25 grandchildren. She was married to my grandfather for 70 years and 6 months, an amazing feat in itself.
I remember a lot about my grandmother. When I was younger, I would stay a week during the summer with my grandparents. One food I remember always having while there were bread tomatoes. Now these were not breaded tomatoes, but chopped tomatoes and white bread cooked together. Another that she made was potato soup, which I have never had one as good. I also remember when she came to stay for a week when my mother was in the hospital. I remember her telling me about the trips she and my grandfather took over to Italy and Germany. I remember how my grandmother and I would rile each other up because she liked the Chicago Cubs and I liked the St. Louis Cardinals. She got me into twiddling my thumbs when I was younger. Her hands were always cold, and I remember how I would put my hands around hers to warm them up.
My grandmother never had a couch or sofa in the house. She had things that would appear to be this, but she had another name for it. She called it a devonent. She and my grandfather had their own devonent, so they could take afternoon naps while watching TV.I have asked many friends if they or their parents/grandparents/other family members have devonents. They replied with a "WTF are you talking about?" look on their face. I have had some friends ask me if I meant a Davenport. I then turned and gave them the same "WTF" look and said no, because I knew what I was talking about.
Over the past year, my mother moved in with my grandfather so they could take care of each other. Every time I go up there, I see the "porch house" my grandfather made for my grandmother so she could sit in her swing year-round; I feel my grandmother's presence in the house even though she is not physically there; and I sit on the devonent. I will always cherish the time I spent with her...and now, her memories as well.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Dental Day
I woke up this morning, just as I do every other morning, and went through my normal routine. I got into my car and headed out of the apartment complex. However, instead of making my way to work, I turned and went the opposite direction. I drove the "backroads" of Evansville to my destination...the dentist office. Most people cringe when they have to go to the dentist. However, I believe that this is caused because of what they have heard people went through, or they have images from media as to the bad wrap dentists receive. I have to say that my dentist is probably one of the best. He was upfront with me with all of the procedures before he did anything, and kept me updated as the procedure was being performed. Kudos to you, Dr. Pitt!!
After getting finished at the dentist, I made my way to have breakfast before I went to another appointment I had. As I waited on my breakfast, I sent a text to a friend informing her that this was my "last meal." I stated this because I knew that this would be the only meal that I would have today as the appointment I had later in the morning was to the oral surgeon.
I was pretty impressed with the oral surgeon's office. It was interesting to know that they give their patients an I-Pod Shuffle with different types of music to listen to while they are in the "operating" room. Guess this is happens in order to take your mind off of why you really are there. I went into the room about 11:30 AM and within 15 minutes, I was done and headed out the door. This was much quicker than I had anticipated. After having my wisdom teeth removed 5 years ago, I had prepped to not be done until about 12:30 PM.
Now the procedure may have gone quick, but the healing will take a little longer. I have pain meds to take in case it kicks in. I am on a soft food diet...and the foods have to be at room temperature or a little cooler. This does limit what I can have, but I am not planning on having anything tonight.
My plan for tonight is to get a few things done around the apartment, take it easy, read a book....and just be.
After getting finished at the dentist, I made my way to have breakfast before I went to another appointment I had. As I waited on my breakfast, I sent a text to a friend informing her that this was my "last meal." I stated this because I knew that this would be the only meal that I would have today as the appointment I had later in the morning was to the oral surgeon.
I was pretty impressed with the oral surgeon's office. It was interesting to know that they give their patients an I-Pod Shuffle with different types of music to listen to while they are in the "operating" room. Guess this is happens in order to take your mind off of why you really are there. I went into the room about 11:30 AM and within 15 minutes, I was done and headed out the door. This was much quicker than I had anticipated. After having my wisdom teeth removed 5 years ago, I had prepped to not be done until about 12:30 PM.
Now the procedure may have gone quick, but the healing will take a little longer. I have pain meds to take in case it kicks in. I am on a soft food diet...and the foods have to be at room temperature or a little cooler. This does limit what I can have, but I am not planning on having anything tonight.
My plan for tonight is to get a few things done around the apartment, take it easy, read a book....and just be.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
What Does My Birthday Mean??
So I was surfing around Facebook tonight and had someone send me a link to learn what my Birthday means....here is what it said....
You often have problem in promoting yourself, just because you don't know how to express your true self. On the other hand, you don't really care what they think. This is why people misunderstand you until they really get a chance to learn about your pleasant personality. Opposite sex find you mysterious and worth searching. Your wit is remarkable but sometimes you are too fast to follow. Your Love, You won't reveal your feeling even after dreaming about the same guy over and over. Your first love lasts forever. You are responsible to the feeling of your lover. The chance to betray your lover is none. You have luck with children.
So, ironically, I feel this fits me perfectly. I have been told by my closest friends that I am "hard to read." For those of you who know me, please comment on this and give me your honest opinion!!
You often have problem in promoting yourself, just because you don't know how to express your true self. On the other hand, you don't really care what they think. This is why people misunderstand you until they really get a chance to learn about your pleasant personality. Opposite sex find you mysterious and worth searching. Your wit is remarkable but sometimes you are too fast to follow. Your Love, You won't reveal your feeling even after dreaming about the same guy over and over. Your first love lasts forever. You are responsible to the feeling of your lover. The chance to betray your lover is none. You have luck with children.
So, ironically, I feel this fits me perfectly. I have been told by my closest friends that I am "hard to read." For those of you who know me, please comment on this and give me your honest opinion!!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Finally...an update...
Okay...so it's been about a month since I have blogged. Thought I would give you an update and my thoughts/perspective on a few things.
So, I watched American Idol tonight. It was interesting to watch the "wild cards." I was very happy with the judges making the decision to make this season a top 13 instead of a top 12. Matt, Jasmine, Megan and Anoop all deserve this chance. The best move that the judges made tonight was that they finally said goodbye for good to Tatiyana. All she supplied was drama and she really should have not been brought back. I was a bit disappointed with Von's performance as well. I know he can do much better, but he just didn't bring it with him tonight.
I do have to say I was thankful to have woke up just in time tonight to see AI. I have been battling a cold the past few days and left work at noon today so I could attempt to recover. I can tell that taking a 6 hours nap this afternoon/evening did help, and with a little more of my own TLC, I will be better before I know it.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I would explain why I posted the video clip. Over the past month, I watched both "Prayers for Bobby" and "Milk." I don't think I have ever had so many emotions running through me after watching both of these. I posted the Prayers for Bobby clip because I felt that the message was powerful. You never know who will be listening, and it truly can make an impact if you are able to help LGBT youth from the struggles they encounter. I related to Bobby a lot as I have struggled with my faith because of what I was taught about sexuality. I have learned that you have to be yourself, no matter what your faith may tell you. With Milk, it reinforced that you have to have hope to be able to overcome. Sean Penn did a phenomenal job in the role of Harvey Milk and I was very glad he won an Oscar for this role.
My goal for March is to post more and to keep you up to date on where my Psyche is. Until then...just be.
So, I watched American Idol tonight. It was interesting to watch the "wild cards." I was very happy with the judges making the decision to make this season a top 13 instead of a top 12. Matt, Jasmine, Megan and Anoop all deserve this chance. The best move that the judges made tonight was that they finally said goodbye for good to Tatiyana. All she supplied was drama and she really should have not been brought back. I was a bit disappointed with Von's performance as well. I know he can do much better, but he just didn't bring it with him tonight.
I do have to say I was thankful to have woke up just in time tonight to see AI. I have been battling a cold the past few days and left work at noon today so I could attempt to recover. I can tell that taking a 6 hours nap this afternoon/evening did help, and with a little more of my own TLC, I will be better before I know it.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I would explain why I posted the video clip. Over the past month, I watched both "Prayers for Bobby" and "Milk." I don't think I have ever had so many emotions running through me after watching both of these. I posted the Prayers for Bobby clip because I felt that the message was powerful. You never know who will be listening, and it truly can make an impact if you are able to help LGBT youth from the struggles they encounter. I related to Bobby a lot as I have struggled with my faith because of what I was taught about sexuality. I have learned that you have to be yourself, no matter what your faith may tell you. With Milk, it reinforced that you have to have hope to be able to overcome. Sean Penn did a phenomenal job in the role of Harvey Milk and I was very glad he won an Oscar for this role.
My goal for March is to post more and to keep you up to date on where my Psyche is. Until then...just be.
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