Day One is happening again!

I really want to thank those who posted to my note on Facebook. It baffles me how people will comment on Facebook, however I have not had a single person comment to me on MySpace. Just an interesting observation I had.

Well, today was day one of getting back on track with my weight loss. I did not get to the point of exercising today, however I did accomplish 2 things: I logged all of the food I ate today into SparkPeople, and I also modified a weight/fitness plan that my brother Steve sent me. I felt there were parts that he used that would be beneficial for me to track, however I also felt I needed to make it my own. When I logged into SparkPeople, I realized that the last time I tracked my weight was 10/15/08. Since that date, I have gained 15 pounds. I was so close to meeting my second goal at that time, which was losing a second 10% of my body weight. I know that I can do it, but I just have to eat in moderation and force myself to exercise.

Emotions I had today: As I stated in my preface post, I am going to keep track of my emotions from the day to see what patterns I have. I would rank today at a 7 on a 10 point scale. I was pretty productive today at work. However, I was somewhat tired all day long. I want to blame this on the weather, but I also have to blame myself for not getting the rest I need. I need to take more ownership into why I feel the way I do. I also felt proud of what I accomplished today with tracking my food and working on my weight/fitness plan. I am adding a component of a meal plan to it, which hopefully will help with portions and healthier eating.

Goals for 01/27/09: I will exercise for at least a half hour; I will complete the 7-day meal plan; I will read the rest of Chapter 1 of Psycho-Cybernetics.

Untitled - 01/25/09

Over the weekend, I posted a note on Facebook and a blog on MySpace. Below is what I wrote. It was titled "Untitled - 01/25/09".

Now, I hope everything that I write makes sense, as I may end up getting off topic and go on a rant or rave, but I want to let you know what's been going on with me.

As many of you know, I have been working on losing weight since July. I have actually done well with it. I had lost a total of 51 pounds. However, I am really stuck right now. In fact, I have gained a little bit back over the past 3 months. I know that it has to do with the winter, but I feel like I need a huge motivator to get back into it. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated.

I have started to reconnect with friends that I haven't talked with for about 5-6 years. I am glad that I am finding them and we are able to catch up. There have been many reasons that I have lost these connections. Part of it could be my struggle with religion, part of it could be that I moved away from these friends. However, I am still glad they are a part of my life and that I will be able to reconnect with them face-to-face sometime soon.

For a couple months now, I have felt a sense of loneliness when it comes to siblings. I really am not connected to my two half-brothers, and my brother and I are not on speaking terms. All of my brothers are older than me, but when one is in jail because of life issues he has put himself in (half-brother), one has been getting his life back on track over the past few years (half-brother), and one feels that I do not give him or his wife the respect they deserve (brother...and I want to know how he can think that I should give him respect when I have always learned that you have to give respect to get respect), I have to turn to others that I want to be "family" to me. I have found 2 friends that I have been able to talk with about anything and everything, and have been able to get honest advice from them about life. We have "adopted" each other as brothers, and I could not think of better "brothers" to have. I am tagged in some photos with them that are in my photo album. Eddie and Steve are two friends that I don't know where life would have taken me over the last 6 months, and I am really feel honored to have them as my "big brothers."

One thing that has been on my mind lately is the topic of self-image. I do have to thank my "big brother" Steve for a book he has given me on psycho-cybernetics. I have just started reading this book, but I am starting to realize that you have to change the inside out, instead of trying to change the outside in. I feel that there are many times that I have worn "masks" to disguise my feelings, thoughts, or at times, my true self. I wish it was easy to let go of the masks, however sometimes I notice myself putting them back on when I don't feel like it's a comfortable situation to tell someone how I am really thinking, feeling, or part of my life that they don't know about.

As I mentioned above regarding my brother and respect, I have to reiterate that I feel that you have to give respect to get respect. There are many people in my life that I have the utmost respect for, however I probably don't show them enough how much I am glad they are in my life. So, I want to show my gratitude and thank them...To my family and friends, thank you for being in my life when I have needed you the most. You have given me unconditional love that one yearns for, especially when they are at their lowest points.

Thank you all for taking time to reading my thoughts. For those that feel the need to comment, feel free. I actually look forward to the comments you will leave me. For those that have questions about me and anything I have written, please feel free to ask me, even if you think the question may not be something you want to hear. The best way to communicate is for it to be like a two-way street...if only one person
communicates and the other person doesn't give a response, then how can you learn anything about that person.

Preface (Welcome)

Hello everyone! After some advice from great friends, I have chosen to create a blog. This blog will allow me to vent when I need to; however, it will also give me the ability to learn more about myself. I will use this blog to share my thoughts and emotions, which will enable me to identify patterns within that I may want to modify so that I can enhance my psyche...hence the name of my blog, Psyche of Brian.

Happy reading and feel free to comment!!

~Brian~